The Cuomos Are Getting Their Donkeys Kicked Out There

If Andrew Cuomo does his 23 and Me test and turns out to have 1/1024 Down Syndrome, that should get him off the hook for excessive hugging. And maybe some for the transit crisis?

Either that or Congress should pass student loan forgiveness for Senator Warren’s students specifically and only. That’s a reasonable compromise.

Does anyone else notice the Cuomos are getting a smackdown from their industries right now? Who am I not to pile on and give the people what they want? And especially so in this democracy of journalism and politics, wherein the voice of the people prevails?

Also, I fear as a writer that I may provoke a journalistic fatwa from one of the authors at the Federalist if I should do the decent thing when a man like Andrew Cuomo or Chris Cuomo is down on the ground and step over the man as I walk by, like a Good Samaritan should, instead of giving him an excellent rhetorical kick in the ribs with my article, like the priest and expert in the law, would. Katy Tur so pulled her punches, who said in an MSNBC segment:

“Why would someone like Gov. Andrew Cuomo, who is a savvy politician, not have buttoned things up, not have gotten the message to be careful about what he says around his staffers, around others.”

And “Somebody close to the family said, it’s not that he didn’t think the rules didn’t apply to him, it’s just that in the Cuomo DNA, they are extraordinarily friendly, I guess, by nature.”

Thus incurring the wrath of Jordan Boyd at The Federalist, who wrote on Thursday, that in addition to Chris Cuomo, “There are multiple other corporate media anchors, hosts, and writers who need to be held accountable for simply taking the governor’s weak defense at its face and amplifying it.”

So here goes. Do you know what the latest thing I heard about the whole physical misconduct Andrew Cuomo situation is? I heard from the editors of The Daily Beast that Andrew Cuomo “ogled Hope Hicks at the White House,” according to former Trump White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows.

Whatever, Beast. Who hasn’t ogled Hope Hicks? She’s a cool, tall glass of iced tea. Are you telling me you wouldn’t look? You are telling me, if you were sitting in Andrew’s seat at that meeting, with Hope Hicks’ fabulous self sitting in front of you, that you wouldn’t ogle some? You would ogle. Don’t talk to me if you’re going to say you wouldn’t look.

When has a man lost enough for his mistakes, you know? Resigning in disgrace from the governorship isn’t enough? We also have to go through the man’s dirty laundry and sniff around? *sniff sniff* Ewww, what a creepy guy that Andrew Cuomo is, *sniff sniff* ugh, he wasn’t just corrupt, he was also a total dog.

Maybe this is the right thing to do. Perhaps it’s way too alluring out there in spaces where it shouldn’t be, and now’s the time to purge. But remember, young Turks, with all your new firebrand carnal conservatism, that Andrew Cuomo did not create the culture that at least tolerated him as New York’s governor for a decade.

Just as in his ham-handed, overwrought response to the coronavirus, while Andrew Cuomo was hugging women, he was probably trying to be a good boy and scared and confused the entire time.